October 16, 2021

Milne News

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Apparently COVID Gave This Man Itchy Ass Syndrome

2 min read
Apparently COVID Gave This Man Itchy Ass Syndrome

According to medical experts, An elderly Japanese man has developed ‘restless anal syndrome’ after catching Covid, in what doctors claim is a world-first.

Before you read on we promise this is a story sourced from a real medical report from a real doctor. Now you’re ready.

The unidentified 77-year-old was admitted to Tokyo Medical University Hospital after testing positive for Covid. 

Despite his age, he did not require any oxygen during his stay and managed to start breathing normally again 21 days after being admitted.

However, a problem of another kind emerged several weeks after he was discharged. His ass started itching.

The man apparently began to suffer ‘deep anal discomfort’ or about 10cm above his chad, the region between the genitals and the anus for those playing at home. This gave him an ‘essential urge to move’, according to medics who treated him. 

Defecation did nothing to relieve the man’s itchy pie hole, wrote Dr Itaru Nakamura who detailed the case in BMC Infectious Diseases but he didn’t use the term “pie hole.” Obviously.

No mention of trying worming tablets though…just saying.

The man said he noticed that exercise such as walking, running or playing motion-based video games helped his symptoms while taking a rest and staying still made them worse. 

He said the symptoms got worse in the evening.

Dr. Nakamura said a colonoscopy, where a thin flexible camera is inserted into the anus, revealed the man had internal hemorrhoids but no other rectal damage.

Testing the man’s nervous system also revealed no abnormalities. 

Dr. Nakamura said the symptoms of ‘suffering’ in the anal region; the urge to move, the worsening with rest, improvement with exercise but worsening in the evening, led medics to diagnose him with restless anal syndrome.

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